So many people try to tell Sandy and I that we spend way too much time together. Many say that they could never run a business together because they would argue all of the time. They say things like I need a break from my spouse. They just can’t imagine how we do marriage.
Here is what I mean and a small disclaimer, Sandy and I have been a 24/7 couple since the day we married over 15 years ago with the exception of less than 2,000 hours total in that time period. We have had our ups and downs (mostly first 5 years of marriage from my addictions).
We want to say first, we know most people will never work together BUT we truly believe it is how God created us to be. Before you tell us how wrong we are for believing in that, just read on to understand where we are coming from and then after we will talk about the benefits of it. The first part of this will lay the foundation of why we believe working together is right. We will then talk about the benefits.
Ask yourself did God not create Eve to be a helpmate for Adam? Did he not also give them a garden to oversee together? They both had their roles in tending to what God created for them together! Think about this also, why would God call us to become one? I don’t think he’s talking about just sex here either. It’s about one vision that the two of you share. God wants us to have an interdependence marriage, not independence and there is a difference.
Let’s look a little closer to current times and just at the last 100 years. I believe that the Industrial Revolution changed God’s plan for marriage. Big corporations made deals with schools to train people and I believe brainwash people into believing that careers and working for others was the right way to go. It worked like a charm.
Before all of that happened, most people worked for themselves. Now it’s the other way around. People started becoming independent through the years. It didn’t happen over night, but decade after decade, this kind of independence started to take a toll on marriages because people started spending more time apart in their individualized lives.
I don’t have the time in this article to connect the dots on all of this but I am sure you can easily do that as you look back on life from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and into the 2000’s.
So, think about this for a minute, people believe that God gives each person a purpose, we believe that too. In most cases, people have jobs that really don’t have much purpose. So, this means if you are married and working 50+ hours a week, as we think this is normal, and on top of that God gave you and your spouse separate purposes, what happens to the marriage over time? It will crumble because there is no shared vision.
From what we have read, most scholars believe Peter’s wife accompanied him a lot and even the Bible talks about that. Why would she travel with him? We believe because they felt this was a calling and both wanted to be a part of it. They didn’t want to be apart because Peter would be traveling a lot and that takes a toll on a family.
Fast forward to today, Sandy and I truly believe that once two people marry, God has a purpose for that marriage beyond the family. He has to because without it couples would wander further and further apart doing their own things just like we see today.
We are not here to tell you to run your business with your spouse, we are just here to advocate for why you should. That part is on you and your spouse. We do believe you need to find a purpose that God has for both of you and run together towards that outside of what you are currently doing in most cases.
Being a couple in business together has many perks. Mine and Sandy’s purpose is marriage. God called both of us into marriage ministry and business for us is just the stepping stone into ministry. In order to build a ministry you have to have business skills in today’s environment also. Business done right will help us fulfill all of the needs for our marriage ministry too. It will bring the contacts we need as God pushes us into the speaking and writing for marriage world.
So, now that we have laid the foundation, what are the perks? Once you learn to communicate as a couple, the business side becomes second nature. It’s all about communication just like marriage. Without it, you will never have a solid business together or a marriage.
Sandy and I have grown so much as business owners. It gives us a never ending of things to talk about. We have a closeness that we have never felt because we have this same shared vision. I always tell people when God gives a husband and wife a shared vision, nothing can stop that couple. They are unstoppable.
They both get to go through struggles and triumphs together. This is HUGE! You see many times at work people go through this, but they only get to share these moments with their coworkers. It’s why you see so many affairs happen at the office. People get close because they see each other at their best and worst times. They build a bond that creates intimacy that should have been at home. Now they feel this coworker is their soul mate even though they are married to someone else.
Instead of the person building that kind of intimacy with co-workers, they now can build it with their spouse. When you work together, you both have a reason to talk about all of this. You can create an environment where both of you lean on each other because you have a shared vision. You are then on the same page and you both are going in the same direction.
We get to control our own schedules as owners of the company. If we need time, it’s easier for us to make time for each other. This is huge too because most couples from the latest surveys say that they spend maybe 15 hours a week together with no interruption. That is a problem. It is destroying marriages from what Sandy and I see. You can’t have intimacy if you are not present. Working together we have found ways to build intimacy on a daily basis. In fact, we probably talk 4-5 hours a day together about hopes, dreams, desires and even fears.
Many times in society we are taught to talk about mundane things, and how that’s supposed to build intimacy, but it doesn’t. Intimacy is built from being vulnerable about your hopes, dreams desires & even fears. Without those things, I don’t believe you can have the kind of marriage God created it to be.
God knew what he was doing when he created marriage. He never intended marriage to be done independently but we have this big independent movement out there. The bigger the movement, the bigger the divorce rate will become. Only time will tell if we are right on that.
There are so many reasons why you should work together and I didn’t even hit how to do it. I may write another one on the basis of doing things together. I wanted this article to lay the foundation so that you can see maybe there is a better way than what you have done or maybe you just need to tweak a few things to create this kind of marriage.
We just know, if you both have the heart to work together, find a purpose that you feel God is leading you towards. You will never regret it. There is nothing like working together when both of you are on the same page. There are so many rewarding moments that we both get to enjoy together because that is what we created.
Studies have shown that people on their deathbed never say they wish they worked on their career more. They almost always say they wish they spent more time with family. Sandy and I by working together have created where we can’t wish that. This was our vision for our marriage and we are moving forward into ministry as we build.
One last thing, we didn’t marry each other so that we could have separate careers and be apart all of the time. We married each other so that we could find a way to be together as one the way God called us to be. Oneness is everything to us. Sandy and I feel that we created that within our marriage.
God Bless and we hope you get something from this if you read the whole thing.
Chris & Sandy Benton
P.S. So many benefits I left out of this but you get the picture, working together has magic in it when done right!
@InspiredMarriage & @TheCoastalBuzz